Wish You Were Here
by The Rose Duelist
Summary: On his birthday, Jake heads to the one place in the world that felt like home.


_A/N: Written for the Choices August 2019 Challenge hosted by Cora-Nova on tumblr._

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It had been just over a year since you'd disappeared. Not exactly disappeared; Jake had to remind himself of that. No, you left your own will and for a long time, he was angry that you had to do it. It wasn't that he was angry at you. No, he admired you for it. But he was angry that the world had ripped you away from him, given you a path with three choices, where only one was truly the right one. You'd always wanted to do anything to save your friends and save them from pain. And ultimately you did but you took on the greatest burden of all.

Which meant that you had to leave.

It still hurt, the hole you left inside of him. Honestly, he didn't believe he would ever recover. He still dreamed of you, holding that picture the two of you took at your handfasting ceremony close to his heart. He'd printed it out when he returned home after all the fanfare and the trial and he'd been reinstated in the military. Gone was the bounty on his head, exchanged for a rank with "distinguished honors". It all sounded nice but he was just happy he could go home. Jake had hoped that you had seen the ceremony wherever you were because he knew you'd say he was smokin' in his uniform. And that would've landed the two of you in bed all night long.

But today was a special day. He'd hoped to share it with you when you'd gotten off that damned island and you'd saved the world and all that. But you never got off the island. Well, you did sort of, but you didn't come home with him.

But he was still going to do what he would've done.

Bag slung over his shoulder, Jake walked down the dirt road, listening to the cicadas in the air. A drop of sweat rolled down his tan forehead. It was humid. You would've loved that. It was one of the first things the two of you bonded over: your love of hot weather.

It had happened that first night in La Huerta by the pool. Jake remembered the first time he'd seen you in your swimsuit. His heart had skipped a beat: you were beautiful. Tan skin, dark brown eyes, a smile that lit up the room. You noticed and he'd played it off with some sort of joke or snarky comment, but you didn't know he had his eye on you the rest of that night.

His army boots stomped the ground, kicking up dust as he went. Though a bittersweetness weighed heavy on his heart, Jake kept moving forward to his destination. He'd still go. You did say you'd always be with him. In your last message to him and the rest of your friends, you told him that what you two had was rare, it would last a lifetime. He believed it. Still did. He'd never felt so alive as he had been when with you. And when you left, you took a little piece of his soul. Afterward, on the plane back to the mainland, he'd spent hours upon hours writing down every memory he could muster of your time together. Because he never wanted to forget.

A cabin came into view as Jake rounded the bend, shaded by trees and tall stalks of grass. Though a little worn, he could tell it was still maintained. He had his step-father to thank for that. He'd kept it up after Jake took off for the army, then long after when he was branded a traitor.

A cool breeze whistled through and brushed his dirty blonde bangs out of his face. The bayou water behind the cabin no doubt brought the coolness to the area. With each step, he neared the cabin and broke out into a smile. A relieved sigh escaped his lips as he ascended the small set of stairs of the porch and stopped in front of the door.

His heartbeat quickened, and he lay a hand upon the door. He'd expected this to be an emotional moment, but he'd hoped he would've been able to face it with you. Coming home after years of exile...his insides twisted with eagerness and fear. He wished you were there to hold his hand, no matter how silly it seemed.

Hand trembling, he reached for the doorknob and turned. Opening the cabin, Jake walked in to find everything in its place. Just how he left it. How he left his life before meeting you. He'd wanted to share this with you, the Jake pre-Natalie. The reckless, headstrong - okay he still was - daredevil that he isles to be. He wanted to hear you laugh at his youth and gasp at his outlandish behavior in the stories he told you. He'd wanted to share his history with you, tell you everything that he was.

But he couldn't because you weren't there. And his heart clenched in his chest.

Late afternoon faded into early evening and Jake quickly made preparations, digging an old canoe out from under a nearby tree and pulling it over to the small dock on the side of the cabin. Tossing the supplies he needed into the boat, he finished prepping. Pushing off from the dock, he floated into the darkened water and began rowing, passing though the dangling leaves with ease.

Though the humidity was still present, the air was much cooler now. You would've been fine with it, though may have complained about wanting to bring some sort of shawl. He would've said that was ridiculous but would've found one for you and arranged it so you would've been perfectly warm for the outing. Then you would've kissed him, but just as you pulled away he would've wrapped his arms around you and kissed you again. Greedy kisses, kisses that told you that he was yours forever and how thankful he was that he could share this day, this place, this moment, with you since words weren't always easy for him.

He navigated easily through the darkness as it consumed his vision. The route hadn't changed in years. Pausing, he leaned over to his right and turned on a small lantern.

A mosquito landed on his neck and he slapped it, muttering a curse. That was the only thing he hated about home: the bugs. You would've agreed. One time when you were camping on a trek though La Huerta's forest, you got three mosquito bites and wouldn't stop itching until he'd physically restrained you so you absolutely couldn't itch them. Which led to an evening of pleasurable activities that had apparently kept your friends awake since they complained about it the next morning. The two of you apologized but you knew Jake didn't really mean it because he had made it very clear to you that he liked to hear you.

Slowly, Jake neared a lagoon, hidden by the spiral-like leaves of the weeping willows. Parting the leaves as he passed through, he smiled. Fireflies flew above, casting soft yellow light over the black water. A chorus of frogs croaked a song in time with the sporadic call of a duck or swan. It was calm, tranquil.

You would've loved it. You would've beamed at the sight of the hanging branches, small flowers dotting the bark, blooming in the dark of night, illuminated by the dancing fireflies. You would've gasped at the catfish that swam in circles around the canoe, occasionally jumping and soaring through the air before landing a graceful swan dive back into the water.

It was something out of a fairytale. Little Mermaid to be exact — Rebecca made him watch it dozens of times when they were growing, which he'd make sure you'd know it was for his sister and not him, and you'd just wink, teasing him. And it would make him catch his breath on his throat. That wink was sexy and whenever you did it all he wanted was to kiss you and get your clothes off.

But that wasn't the point of this trip. No, he wanted to bring you to this place because it was magical. And you were magical. You were his princess and had changed his life completely and all for the better. You deserved it all and he wanted the perfect place to express that to you.

But you couldn't see it. You couldn't see the slice of heaven that he wanted to share with you and only you. Because no one else knew it existed.

Jake set the rows to the side. Leaned down and pulled a bottle from the six-pack of beer he'd brought earlier in the day. His favorite since he was 18. He'd hoped you would like it but would've brought homemade whiskey sour in a thermos in case you didn't— that was your favorite cocktail he made. After one evening at the Celestial that involved much drinking, you had told him so but said he had to keep it a secret because you had already told Raj his mojito was the best. You made him swear that he'd never tell Raj. He'd found your drunk fury so cute and teased you but eventually agreed.

Jake sighed and looked at the lagoon, his tiny slice of paradise hidden from the rest of the world. It was everything he remembered and yet he had changed. It once had been a have, a place where he could dream anything for himself.

But now? It was a place he had wished would nurture his love.

But you weren't there to make it happen.

Holding up the beer in a cheer, he said, "This is to you, Natalie. I miss you so damn much. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you." He could feel a lump in his throat but soldiered on, "I wanted to bring you here 'cause this was my favorite place in the whole world. That was...until you. Then where you became my favorite place. As long as I was with you, it was my favorite place." The lump in his throat grew and he cleared his throat, trying to ignore the warmth building in his eyes. "It's my birthday. I wanted..." He sighed, his eyes welling with tears. His throat began to close. You would've reached out and touched his cheek to reassure him, the softness of your fingertips a loving caress he'd felt to his soul.

Finally, he could talk again, "I know you won't ever see this. But I know you'd be happy. You'd love it here."

Images of you flooded through his mind. He closed his eyes recalling the sweet sounds of your voice, willing himself to continue.

"I just hope you're out there listenin'. All I want is to spend my birthday with you, and that's what I'm doing."

He raised the bottle to his lips and drank. Finally, he lowered it, opened his eyes, and looked at the space in the canoe that you were supposed to occupy.

"I love you. Always and forever, Princess."


End file.
